Basketball: What Is It Good For?
Do you know about basketball? It is really funny. I do not know why we have it on this Earth, but I like it & laugh about it. For those of you who have never known what basketball even is: I wrote a story about a basketball game so I could tell you what it is like. Here is the first part of the story:
John got the ball. Basketball time! said John. And then the ball got stolen. Crap! said John. John stole it back. Haha I stole it! said John. John dribbled around Tim, who tried to grab John. John moved out of the way! A good basketball move said Tim. John kept dribbling because he was free from Tim now. Now John was surrounded by Levon and Curtis, and both of them were slapping at the ball. Foul! No not a foul. That was legal. Slapping was legal. John kept dribbling. John passed to Carl. Carl passed to Brady. Brady got SWARMED by Levon but dunked over him! He scored! The referee said Good dunk. And John said Thanks. And then Brady said Hey you didn’t dunk it I did. And John said Yeah I know. And Brady said Why did you say you did then. And John said I am depressed.
The other team has the ball now!
Oh no someone got murdered on the court. Literally!
This was now a mystery. A basketball mystery of murder and sports.
Who would do a murder on the court even? Clearly someone who had a grudge against the life of a baller.
Detective John Basketball was on the case!
To be continued
A Dictionary of Hahas, Part 1
Have you ever been texting someone and you got confused about the “HAHA” they used? There are many different versions and they all mean very different things. I hope this helps.
Ha — I want you to text me more
Ha! — I don’t know how I feel about this interaction yet but I am willing to continue
Haha — I have no idea what you’re saying
Hah — you are attractive but boring, and I cannot admit this to anyone
Hahaha — I want you to stop texting me
Hehe — I am a mischievous goblin do not approach
He — I am a regular goblin approach
Haaahaaa — I am not doing well, all things considered
Heaiheai — send me more blurry pictures of your gross-looking cat
Hahahahahahaha — I don’t want to go to school anymore I am on academic probation
Haha!! — I am buying too many stocks these days my portfolio is jacked
A Partial List of Things I’ve Been Accidentally Dropping Lately
1. Pens
2. Coins
3. Xylophones
4. Dioramas
5. Menageries
6. Children’s pop-up books
7. Sandwich wrappers from Moonlight Deli in Princeton, NJ
8. A dogeared copy of The People’s History of the Pastry War by J. Clough Masterton.
9. A lightbulb (unharmed)
10. Circus tickets
11. An old fuzzy memory of you walking toward me on the train
12. Mohair slippers
13. Polaroid photographs of a windy day in Copenhagen
14. July homers
15. A bulletproof mannequin designed by Oxford University
16. Split decisions
17. Glassy-eyed reliquaries
18. Fear biscuits
19. Pain balls
20. Ego foam
21. Despair